


Lay All Your Love (Letters) on Me

by nowhiteflaguponmydoor



Series: The Doctors Without Borders AU [2]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Epistolary, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Death, Médicins Sans Frontières | Doctors Without Borders, canon-typical medical stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:22:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21796039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowhiteflaguponmydoor/pseuds/nowhiteflaguponmydoor
Summary: Hawkeye and BJ write letters while Hawkeye is away.
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Series: The Doctors Without Borders AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1479629
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	1. Hawkeye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PrairieDawn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrairieDawn/gifts).



> Happy belated, Prairie!
> 
> Title cheekily taken from an ABBA song.

_Dear Beej,_

_You told me to write to you when I couldn’t call you, and a part of me feels like we’re in a movie, and this is the love letter montage._

_Unfortunately, being here is less like a romcom and more like a war picture. I’ve seen things I will never be able to unsee, both good and horrifyingly bad. We’ve always marveled at the resilience of the human body, Beej, but since I’m not actively operating or doctoring, I’m presently more concerned about the resilience of the human spirit. These people have nothing, NOTHING, Beej, and yet they are still here, still smiling and laughing, playing music, singing. I don’t know how they do it._

_You know me well enough to know that my sense of humor is often a shield, a defense mechanism, and yet even I struggle to joke and be merry at times. I operated on a little girl the other night—you know pediatrics is not my thing, Beej, but you go where you’re needed here, and you operate on who’s bleeding. Anyway, she was a tiny little thing, an orphan, and her appendix was about to burst. I walked in wearing my Groucho gear, and she managed to giggle through her tears. It was a simple surgery, but since she was my only patient for the day, I stayed with her. I had to, Beej. She has no one, no one who loves her. When she woke up I was there, and she immediately began chattering to me excitedly. I figured out that she wanted to see my glasses again. I put them on, and she laughed, and then she pulled them off my face to try them on. I pulled my phone out so she could see herself and she laughed even more. She thanked me for fixing her tummy and apologized for not having any money. She’s only five, BJ. I choked out for her not to worry about it and she somehow managed to hug me. That was payment enough._

_That’s a good story, Beej. Unfortunately, the bad outnumber the good. I don’t regret coming here, the good that we’re doing, but sometimes it gets to me. Sometimes when a surgery isn’t a positive outcome or I have to tell a mother that she’s lost yet another child, all I want is to crawl into a bottle of gin until I’ve reached oblivion. Instead, I try and find comfort in the fact that even though these people have been through hell, they are still doing their best to carry on. They try to be optimistic. You know me, I’m a “fake it til you make it” kind of guy when it comes to optimism, but these attitudes in the face of such devastation do give me a funny feeling. I think that feeling is hope. I hope that this experience will make a better a doctor. I hope that I can do all I can for these people until I come home to you. I hope that the human spirit isn’t nearly as breakable as I’ve been led to think._

_I’ve got to go for now, Beej. Try not to worry about me. I’ll be home before you know it. I love you and I miss you._

_Yours,_

_Hawkeye_


	2. BJ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BJ answers Hawk's letter.

_Dear Hawk,_

_Your letter arrived yesterday and I was so glad to hear from you. I know you’ve said that cell service would be spotty, but I don’t think I realized how difficult it would be to not have you in arm’s reach or be able to call you at any given moment. I miss you too, Hawk._

_I wish I had something helpful to tell you about what you’ve written to me. I’ve always envied your ability to put your thoughts down on paper. All I can come up with is that you’re doing amazing work, Hawkeye, truly. I am so proud of you, sweetheart. I wish I were there with you, so I could wrap you in my arms, kiss the side of your head._

_Everyone at the hospital asks about you; they miss you. Margaret is knitting you something--I think it started out as a scarf, but it’s looking more and more like a blanket. Potter asked me to please let him know if there’s anything he could send over that might be useful to you, so if there is, let me know and I’ll pass it along. He asks after you every chance he gets. It’s not the same without our Hawkeye._

_I called and checked on your dad yesterday. He said he’d gotten a letter from you, too. I could practically hear the grin in his voice as we talked. He’s proud of you too, Hawk. I hope you know that. He’s trying to get me to come visit for a few days, and I think I’ll take him up on it, assuming I can get Margaret to watch Velvet for a few days. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. It’d be great to see your dad. We talk a few times a week, and it always makes me feel better to hear from him. Sometimes I laugh at myself that I was ever worried about meeting him. He’s a diamond in the rough, much like his son._

_Oh, speaking of Velvet, she misses you terribly. She lays by the front door, expecting you to walk through at any moment. She’s taken to sleeping on your side of the bed, too, so you may have to duke it out with her when you return to earn your spot back. I’ll have to put her on the next time you’re able to Skype. I can see you grinning and shaking your head at the thought of me getting the dog to Skype with you, but it’ll be good for you both, I think._

_Well, Hawk, that’s about all I’ve got for now. I’m enclosing some snacks for you, feel free to share or hoard as you please. Do you need anything else? Anything you need, just let me know, and I’ll send it your way._

_I miss the hell out of you, Hawk. And I love you, too._

_BJ_

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, this is getting a little self-indulgent so just pretend that *handwave* DWB deployments last a while longer than they actually do

_ My dearest Beej,  _

_ Anything I need, you say? Okay, I’ve got it. Go down to the post office and ask them how much it would be to mail a tall, lanky blonde with huge feet. I’d bet your feet alone would be a fortune’s worth of stamps.  _

_ We’re on the move right now--on some tiny plane that I’m fairly sure I saw some duct tape holding parts of it together, so hopefully I’ll live to mail this. Kidding, Beej! I hope. I really hope you can read this--we’ve hit turbulence. I’d put this away and continue writing later on, but writing you is keeping me from absolutely losing it on this sketchy ass plane ride, so here we are. I do a lot better flying when I have your hand to hold on to, when you can talk me through a bumpy flight.  _

_ We had a good few days recently. I delivered some babies, which I hadn’t done since very early in my residency. Do you remember when Margaret once said that it never fails to surprise her, how someone is here one minute and gone the next? I think the same can be said for births. You’re not here one minute, and then the next, there you are, screaming and covered in blood. It’s a beautiful thing, Beej. I don’t know that I’ve ever fully appreciated birth before, but here, in the midst of all of this, I suppose I’ll take whatever joys I can get. Life goes on, I guess is my point.  _

_ At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Beej, I miss you so much. I miss Velvet, too, but like hell will I let that mutt take over my spot in the bed! Vengeance will be mine! (I sure hope I’m a better cuddler than her, or else I guess the joke will be on me…) Jealousy that she gets to be in bed with you aside, please tell her I miss her. Give her a treat and some head scritches from me.  _

_ I think it’d be a great idea for you to go see Dad! He would love the company, I’m sure. He really does love you, Beej. Who wouldn’t? I wish you could’ve met Mom. She would love you so much, I know it. (I know, I know--your jaw is probably on the ground right about now. I don’t talk about her very much; neither does Dad. But I still think of her, still wonder what she’d think of me and my life. I’d like to think she’d be proud, but what I do know, without a doubt in my mind, is that she _ _ would love you _ _.) _

_ How is Margaret? We’ve written a few times, but I worry about her, what with the divorce and all. Drawing information out of her in person is like pulling teeth, so you can only imagine me trying to do it via mail. I love that she’s knitting me something! I am so proud. The next time I can get some decent yarn I’ll make her something. Don’t let her fool you, Beej, she learned knitting from the best. Give her a hug from me the next time you see her.  _

_ Okay, we’re landing soon, so I’m going to wrap this up so I can hold on like hell to my armrests. I’d rather be holding on to you, of course.  _

_ All of my love, _

_ Hawkeye _


End file.
